 |
| Just as the man who is hanging himself, after kicking away the stool on which he stood, the final shore, rather than feeling the leap which he is making into the void feels only the rope which holds him, held to the end, held more than ever, bound as he had never been before to the existence he would like to leave. |
i struggle so much to care about myself. i care enough to get out of the bed and take a shower but not enough to eat breakfast.
***
ne, nemanau, kad jį myliu. bent jau dar ne. dar ne. nesinori. bijau. svarstau ir analizuoju. gal šiek tiek svajoju. šiek tiek dvejoju. palaikau atstumą. atstumas yra gerai. atstumas yra protinga. atstumas tiek kūnais, tiek mintimis neleidžia man visos savęs atiduoti jam. norėčiau nepriklausyti. bet žmogus natūraliai visada kažkam priklauso. norėčiau netingėti. kai kurie netingi. jiems gera. man šiek tiek liūdniau. ką padarysi.
***
there are moments when i want to say that i love you. and there are moments when i don't know why i am with you, and i feel nothing good, i feel distant and cold and hard to touch. i never say that i love you. i still think it's not real. i'm afraid. maybe you are too? but in that moment, when you were looking straight into my eyes, stroking my face, our bodies pressed together, i swear i thought i've felt your love. i thought i saw it in your eyes, that pretty bright eyes of yours. they were warm. they were caring.
in that moment you loved me and i loved you too.
i was in a bliss.
